Why expectations shape identity — especially for students with complex needs

"I’m not who I think I am.

I’m not who you think I am.

I’m who I think you think I am.”

This well-known idea, often linked to sociologist Charles Horton Cooley and his theory of the looking-glass self, suggests that our identity is shaped by how we believe others see us.

In other words: We become the reflection we are shown.

For the children and young people we represent - students with complex needs, many of whom are non-speaking or use AAC - this idea should give us pause.

Because whether intentional or not, schools are constantly holding up a mirror.

The mirror we hold

Children do not build their identities in isolation. They build them in relationship.

They notice:

• Who gets the books.
  
  
• Who gets asked the questions.
  
  
• Who is expected to read.
  
  
• Who is given writing opportunities.
  
  
• Who is talked about rather than talked to.
  
  
• Who is spoken to as a 'learner'.

And over time, they draw conclusions.

If a student is never explicitly taught to decode… If they are never given meaningful opportunities to write… If literacy is quietly replaced with sensory activities year after year…

What might they conclude? Not consciously at first. But gradually. They may begin to believe - because it is reflected back at them - that they are not readers. Not writers. Not candidates for literacy. Not because they have been told so directly. But because they have never been expected to become so.

And over time, expectation becomes identity.

When absence speaks loudly

We often talk about the harm of low expectations. But sometimes it is not what is said that shapes identity - it is what is absent. The absence of phonics instruction. The absence of shared reading that assumes comprehension. The absence of real writing opportunities. The absence of age-respectful texts.

When literacy teaching is consistently withheld, the message is powerful:

"This is not for you.”

And if a child repeatedly receives that message, it is entirely rational for them to internalise it.

They become who they think we think they are.

The risk for non-speaking learners

For students who use AAC or who have complex physical and sensory needs, this risk is amplified. When communication is slow, mediated, or physically effortful, adults may unintentionally:

• Confuse motor difficulty with lack of understanding.
  
  
• Prioritise care over cognition.
  
  
• Reduce curriculum breadth.
  
  
• Assume reading and writing are unrealistic goals.

Without intending to, we can reflect back an identity of limitation. And when a student believes that adults do not see them as someone who will ever read or write, it becomes harder for them to imagine that future for themselves.

The power of a different reflection

But there is hope here. If identity is shaped by reflection, then reflection is something we can change. When we:

• Prioritise communication access as early as possible.
  
  
• Teach literacy explicitly and systematically.
  
  
• Provide robust AAC access alongside reading instruction.
  
  
• Share ambitious, age-respectful texts.
  
  
• Create authentic writing opportunities.
  
  
• Design tasks that allow students to experience success as readers and writers — not just participate alongside them.
  
  
• Break learning into achievable steps without lowering the end goal.
  
  
• Notice and name progress, however small, understanding that meaningful literacy development may take time — and that time is not a reason to lower expectation.
  
  
• Communicate high expectations & belief consistently not conditionally.

We hold up a different mirror (because opportunity alone is not enough).

One that says:

"You are someone who can."

"You are someone whose thinking matters."

Sitting near books is not the same as being taught to read. Being present during writing is not the same as composing. Students need structured opportunities where success is possible - where effort leads to visible progress, where their attempts are treated as real literacy attempts, and where achievement is recognised as meaningful.

Success builds competence. Competence builds identity. Identity builds motivation.

When a student experiences themselves succeeding - decoding a word, contributing a sentence via AAC, recognising a grapheme, choosing vocabulary with intention - they begin to revise the story they tell about who they are.

Not:

"I am someone this isn’t for."

But:

"I am someone who is learning to read."

"I am someone who can write."

And even before fluency, something begins to shift. And that shift is powerful. It offers belonging, agency and possibility.

Literacy is about who you get to be

Literacy is not just a skill, it is an identity. It's about whether a child sees themselves as someone who belongs in the world of stories, information, ideas and self-expression.

If we never expect a student to become a reader or writer, they may begin to believe that this world is not for them. But when we reflect belief, entitlement and high expectation - consistently, explicitly and without compromise - we open a different pathway.

Because children do not just learn to read and write, they learn whether they are readers and writers.

And that belief often begins with us.

Sarah Giles is Education & Training Lead for Teach Us Too, a charity in the UK which campaigns for the right of every learner to access meaningful literacy instruction, particularly students with complex needs, including those often described as having profound and multiple learning difficulties or who are non-speaking.

As a founding member of the Alliance for Inclusive Literacy, they collaborate with others across the sector and actively share effective practice to challenge assumptions and raise expectations.

They offer sponsored training courses to develop teachers’ skills and understanding, building capacity for inclusive literacy in all classrooms, and support schools to reflect on and strengthen their approach to inclusive literacy - from underlying principles and expectations through to everyday classroom practice. This may include reviewing current provision alongside staff, supporting the development of reading and writing approaches, delivering PD as standalone sessions or as part of longer-term engagement, and providing follow-up support to help embed and sustain effective practice over time - ensuring that inclusive literacy is not just introduced, but meaningfully lived across the school for every learner.